Going to the Mountains; Going Home

'Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity” John Muir

I hunger for wildness, my bones thirst for its grace.  I starve in the city streets, lost in traffic jams and skyscrapers - unable to see the unbridled sky, where clouds dazzle as the sun's diamond dust in the late August heat.

For my 31st birthday, my restless hungry heart demanded a rendezvous a chance to chase the wildness in my soul.  The past thirty-one years have been a dance of chaos and light, extreme darkness only making the stars shine all the brighter.  I find in the constellations a compass reflecting the truth of God's powerful light even in the depths of deep darkness in my soul and in this wild struggle with my beasts of fear and doubt - I find my way home to HIM and in HIM I unlock the key to myself as sunrise breaks the dawn.

A year ago I moved back to my hometown of Raleigh NC and while I enjoy the amenities of top-notch shopping and the meandering city sidewalks in my neighborhood near Cameron Village - I cannot find rest here with the pollution and aggression of fast lane life, where everyone seems to be going somewhere and yet no where at all.

John Muir's quote at the beginning of my post perfectly surmises my hunt own hunt for wildness...to tame and release the wildness within my fragile human heart and instead dance in the glory of nature's fury and flight.  

My deep desire to re-discover communion with the mountains pierced my heart after my mother and I were robbed at gunpoint at an area shopping mall.  Suddenly the fear of losing became secondary to the fear of not living with an abundant heart.  My peace - the peace of Christ, is ignited in my heart in the natural wonder of HIS creation - nature is my release - everything made by human hands pales in comparison to the beauty of God's creation - a sculpture of fire and ice.  

I tend to ramble when I write about nature - yet in this post I feel my rambling is a reflection of my heart able to take flight.  After years of suffering psychological abuse and trying to conform to broken standards of a world in disrepair - I am learning to find peace in myself and to forgive myself and learn to trust in God's mercy and mercy is every present in the wilderness.

It is not a coincidence that biblical scriptures are set amid the breaking points of the desert - in wild places - sometimes it is only when we are forced to search outside of our comfort zone and learn to navigate God's country that we find ourselves looking inward and turning to our Creator to sow in us abundant hearts - founded in the cornerstone of mercy and redemption, peace and fortitude, resilience and the art of letting go.

I will dedicate the next few blog entries on my quaint birthday excursion to North Carolina's Blowing Rock and the neighboring High Country of these ancient Appalachian hills...

From the earth we were created out of dust and the earth is our temporary home - when we go to the mountains we find the peace to accept our humble place amid giants and the supreme order of the land - and in the mountains we are not venturing into a new place - instead we are coming home - home to the peace of ourselves - the ability to perceive beauty in life's obstacles and acknowledging the vast view of the wilderness within ourselves waiting to be explored and our call to help others in their wilderness steps.  No mountain can be climbed alone, as no human heart can stand as stone.